Are You From Tennessee?
by mintcrisp
Summary: Hyde, Eric, Kelso and Fez are comparing pick-up lines when the girls walk in. But instead of changing the subject, Donna forces them to keep going. And Hyde finds, to no one's surprise, that he likes to tease Jackie. Hyde/Jackie, Eric/Donna, Fez/OC


Title: Are You From Tennessee?  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Innuendo, Several Lame, Stupid, and Dirty Pick-Up Lines  
Pairing: Hyde/Jackie, Eric/Donna, Kelso/Brooke, Fez/OC  
Summary: Hyde, Eric, Kelso and Fez are comparing pick-up lines when the girls walk in. But instead of changing the subject, the girls have some lines of their own.

Notes: So, originally I was going to write some fic where Jackie makes Hyde do some role-playing and the setup was that they were meeting for the first time in a bar. At first he half-heartedly tries some lame, but dirty pick-up line, and he likes how Jackie reacts, so his pick-up lines just get dirtier and dirtier until Jackie breaks down and drags him outside for some backseat fun. But when I was looking for some really dirty ones online, that idea slowly morphed into this. And I liked this better. :) Hyde has many, because I could not stop envisioning him using the lines I was reading. In other words, I blame the internet. Once again.

Side Note: I'm not sure how many of these would actually be used in the 70's/80's. I don't really know the slang from that era. But, then again, neither did the show's writers, so I suppose it's all good. Also, this doesn't really fit anywhere into the show's timeline, but it is doesn't necessarily feel post-Season 8.

Disclaimer: I do not own That 70's Show. Which, considering the train wreck that is Season 8, might be a good thing.

* * *

"Okay, okay, I got one. Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tacs?" Donna and Jackie gave each other a confused look as they descended the steps that lead to the door of the Formans' basement, where the guys had been hanging out while Jackie, Donna, and Fez's new girlfriend, Anne, had gone shopping for what Jackie had called "girl bonding time" with the new one of the group.

"But Kelso, why would a girl smuggle tic-tacs? Can she not go to the drug store?" Fez asked.

"Fez, what would tic-tacs look like if a girl hid them in her shirt?" Hyde asked. After a few minutes of silence, in which the girls guessed Fez still didn't get it, Hyde continued. "Or, say, in her bra?"

Donna sighed, shook her head in disappointment, and opened the door to the basement.

"Hmm, Steven. What _would_ they look like?" Jackie asked as she set her bags down against the wall and stood in front of her boyfriend with her hands on her hips.

"Oh!" Fez exclaimed excitedly. "Nipples!"

Hyde grinned and looked from his friend to the riled brunette in front of him. "Yeah. What he said." He said simply, pointing to Fez.

Jackie sighed irately, but continued to the freezer to get a popsicle.

"What were you guys doing down here?" Donna asked as she sat on the couch next to Eric.

"Uhh…" Eric stalled, racking his brain for an acceptable lie.

"We were comparing pick-up lines." Hyde explained truthfully.

Jackie paused again as she came back from the freezer, resting her hand on the back of Hyde's chair. "But what use do you guys have for pick-up lines? You all have girlfriends."

"Yeah, but some of them are still pretty funny. Especially Forman's." He explained with a grin. "If Donna didn't give him a shot, for whatever insane reason she did, he would have been a virgin **forever**."

Hyde just laughed when Eric punched him in the arm and Kelso let out an ecstatic whoop of "Burn!"

"So," Eric asked, glancing around the room. "What are we going to talk about now?"

"What, you mean the girls came back and crashed your party?" Donna asked, indignantly. "Is tic-tac nipples really the best pick-up line you've got between you? Logic dictates that you _all_ should have been virgins forever. Just because we came into the room doesn't mean you guys have to become a group of goody-two-shoes all of a sudden."

"But-But Donna!" Eric stuttered. "They're _dirty_!" He whined, causing Donna to roll her eyes.

"Yes," Fez jumped in. "I, too, find it unacceptable to make a dirty joke in front of my beautiful goddess, Anne. She must not see the darkest corners of Fez's soul. She might be…" He paused dramatically, pretending to hold back tears. "Tainted!"

Anne laughed and leaned over the back of the couch to kiss Fez on the cheek while patting his shoulder. "That's okay, baby. I need to get home, anyway; I have an early shift tomorrow. You have fun with your friends. Even if you have to tell…" Her voice dropped to a cautious whisper and she leaned closer to Fez's ear. "A dirty joke!" She giggled and waved to the group as she walked out of the door with her shopping bags.

When the door shut, Donna turned to Hyde. "Hyde, do you have any problem with saying pick-up lines around Jackie?"

Hyde turned to the brunette and considered the question for a moment. "Not a one." He admitted as his attention returned to Donna.

"Eric, come on. It'll be fine." Donna said, taking his hand in hers as she looked him in the eye.

"Okay. We'll give it a try. But I'm **not** going first."

"I'll go 'first'." Hyde conceded. "That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed."

Jackie's jaw dropped. "Steven!"

"Hey, what do you _think_ I'm wondering every time you ask if an outfit looks good on you?"

Eric frowned. "Jeez, Hyde, you jump in head first, don't you?" When Hyde simply grinned, he sighed. "Which means it's my turn. Uhh… I know I don't look like much now, but I've been drinking milk."

"Hyde's right; you are kind of lame." Donna laughed. "But that's true." Eric's slightly betrayed look only made her laugh harder. "So, it's my turn now, right? Hmm… Oh! You know, I just realized this, but you look a lot like my next boyfriend."

Fez grinned when the group turned to him expectantly. He dug in the pocket of his pants for a few seconds, finally producing a screw, which he showed proudly to the group. "Wanna screw?"

"You keep a screw in your pocket, Fez?" Donna asked him as she leaned forward to grab Eric's half empty beer he had left on the table.

"For that purpose! Screws do not magically appear!"

Fez squawked when Jackie grabbed the screw out of his hand. "**You** do not need this anymore, Fez. **You**'ve got a girlfriend."

"But it is my lucky screw!"

"Hey!" Kelso said, drawing the group's attention to him. "Do I know you from somewhere? 'Cause I might not recognize you with your clothes on."

Jackie scoffed, her face contorted in disgust. "Michael, you're such a pig."

"Well," Hyde said, glancing up at her over the back of his chair, where she had returned after stealing Fez's screw. "You're in luck. It's your turn, princess."

"What? Oh, no; I'm not playing this 'game'."

"Why not?" Hyde questioned.

"I don't know any pick up lines, for one."

"And for another?" Hyde pressed, causing Jackie to glare at him when she couldn't think of a second reason.

"Come on, Jackie. You know plenty of pick-up lines. I heard guys use them on you all the time when we were dating." Kelso supplied from across the room.

"Yes, **Michael**, but I don't remember many of them because the only thing I was thinking of at the time were how all those guys were gross jerks."

"Jackie, you have to know at least one pick-up line that isn't completely nauseating." Donna reasoned. "What did Hyde use on you when you guys first hooked up?"

Jackie crossed her arms and sighed. "For some reason, I don't think 'I can't watch The Price Is Right again. I just can't' qualifies as a pick-up line, Donna."

Suddenly, Donna sat up straighter and looked at the pair with wide eyes. "That's what happened? You two hooked up because of The Price Is Right? That's been driving me crazy!"

"Anyway," Hyde cut in, changing the subject. "You can come up with a pick-up line, doll, so come on."

"Fine." She spat, moving from behind Hyde's chair to stand closer to the center of the room. "It's not my fault I fell in love." She began, her eyes steady on Hyde. "You're the one who tripped me."

"Aww…" Eric and Donna groaned while she leaned her head on his shoulder. Hyde glared at the pair before grinning as he caught sight of his girlfriend's legs, which were exposed to half-way up her thigh by her skirt.

"Nice legs." He commented, nodding at her. "What time do they open?" Jackie flushed as the group burst into laughter, but to her relief they moved on to Eric instead of teasing her.

"Excuse me," He said, lifting his hand in the air to catch some imaginary girl's attention. "I'm a little short on cash. Would you want to share a cab to my place?"

Donna giggled as the group looked to her. "You know, I'm really on top of things." She paused as giggles over took her. "Want to be one of them?"

"Miss, you've got something on your breasts." Fez contributed. "My eyes."

Kelso laughed in his typical stupid fashion before adding his in. "Want to make millions? Millions of babies!"

All laughter in the room stopped while Kelso looked around the room, confused.

"Man, it's not funny when you've actually gotten a girl pregnant." Hyde explained before rolling his eyes. He sighed and pointed at Jackie. "Your turn."

She pursed her lips for a second. "This is so lame." She grumbled before speaking louder to the group. "You can fall off a building, and you can fall out of a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me."

Hyde snorted and she glared at him. "Hey, baby, I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs."

Predictably, the room burst into laughter as Jackie squealed. "Steven!"

"What?" He questioned.

"You can't just say things like that."

"Why not? It's not like Mrs. Forman is down here." There was a pause as a shudder ran through the group at the thought of the older woman overhearing what had just come out of Hyde's mouth.

"Well, you still can't say things like that. Girls aren't supposed to like… that."

Hyde scoffed and sipped his beer. "You like it." He muttered against the can.

Eric apparently heard him, as he started giggling and clapping. "She… she likes…" Jackie raised her eyebrow at him, which apparently sobered him up enough to realize that saying what he was about to say was extremely stupid. "I mean, what do you know; it's my turn. Oh, that's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"

Donna gently slapped Eric on the arm while the group looked to her. "Do me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"

"There is a party in Fez's pants, and you're invited!"

"I'm bigger and better than the Titanic." Kelso added. "Only two hundred women went down on the Titanic."

Jackie's face once again contorted in disgust. "Oh my god, Michael, could you be any more revolting?"

"Hey," Hyde said. "Let's not get in an argument. It's your turn."

Jackie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "You know what would look good on you? Me!"

"Congratulations." Hyde commented. "That's the least lame one you've used so far." He chuckled, earning him a punch in the arm from Jackie. "Hey, Jackie. Let's go back in my room and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply." He said with a perverted grin.

Jackie squeaked, flushing a bright red as everyone else in the room laughed. Donna got to the point where she almost fell off the couch, and Kelso seemed to be attempting to write the line down on his palm for later use.

"I think this game's over." Eric finally wheezed out. "I mean, after that… I'm sorry, but I can't follow that. I just… can't."

"Steven!" Jackie forced out, willing the blush on her cheeks down. "How can you say things like that?"

"Say thing like what?" Hyde asked, feigning innocence as his smirk grew wider.

"Like-"

"Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips."

Jackie frowned, her lips pressing into a tight, thin line. "Yeah. Like that."

"Hey, Jackie, do you think that guys think with their dicks?"

Shaking her head, Jackie threw her hands up in the air. "Steven, I think this night proves that guys don't think with anything **but**."

"Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?"

"Steven!"

"You know, if it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by tomorrow morning."

"_Steven_!" Jackie repeated, her voice raising an octave, making nearly everyone in the room cringe as she stomped her foot on the ground and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Keep going." Eric encouraged as he chuckled. "I want to see if she explodes."

Hyde studied Jackie for several moments before shaking his head. "Nah. She's had enough."

Jackie sighed in relief and let her arms fall to the side. "Thank you, Steven."

"Here, Foreman." Hyde said, tossing the remote in his direction. "Find something on TV."

"Seriously?" He asked, letting out a disappointed groan when Hyde nodded expectantly.

It only took a few minutes to find a pointless, random program to watch. While the guys turned their attention to that, Donna looked to Jackie. "Hey, Jackie, why don't you sit down?"

"The couch only fits three, Donna. And I'm not sitting on the freezer in **this** skirt when Michael is sitting across the room."

"Honey," Hyde spoke up, his grin returning as he laughed quietly. "As long as I have a face, you'll always have a place to sit."

The group's laughing nearly covered Jackie's indignant squawk before she rushed across the room and jumped on Hyde, hitting him in the chest while muttering obscenities under her breath.

Of course, the group's laughter only grew louder as her attack threw Hyde's chair off balance and the pair spilled onto the floor.

* * *

End

Mint: Well, here's hoping this doesn't suck.

VOC: Don't worry. It does. You know, if you actually wrote something good, the world might end.

Mint: Oh. Well, thanks for that boost to my self-esteem.

VOC: You seem particularly lackluster this evening. Morning. Whatever.

Mint: Yet another fic that I finished at 6 in the morning. I don't know what part of my brain this crawled out of… but I'm not sure I want to go poking around in there too much… Review please.


End file.
